I originally wrote this post a week ago tonight, thinking my grandma wasn't going to make it through the night. She proved me wrong by making it a full week. She died this morning shortly before 10 Central Time. Sadly, I wasn't with my dad when she passed and I truly wish I could've been. I think he knows I love him...at least I hope he does. All that being said, here's the post that I originally wrote last Sunday night.
Sorry to post such a downer entry, but that's what it's going to be.
Tonight, my grandma is dying.
Earlier this evening, she had a heart attack AND a stroke. This resulted in bleeding in the brain that they can't do a damn thing about. They're keeping her on life support until the third of her four daughters gets there from up here in KC. I doubt they'll keep her on until the fourth daughter can get here from North Carolina. So, she hasn't died yet, at least not that I know of, but I'm guessing my aunt's there by now.
She was my last living grandparent. Of course I was sad about all of them, but there's something about losing the last one. I feel really bad for my dad. On the positive side, he's got four great sisters and they all get along great and laugh like you wouldn't believe when they get together. I think it will be good that they'll all have each other to get through this and they're all so close. I only hope this doesn't decrease the frequency of family get-togethers.
In fact, we were supposed to have a 90th birthday party the Sunday before Labor Day for her. Obviously, that won't be happening.
I think I've posted about this before, but death really freaks me out if I stop and think of it too long. In fact, the other night while watching Spiderman 2 of all things, I felt like I was almost having a panic attack (which I've never had), because something in that movie triggered this reaction that got me obsessing about it.
For some bizarre reason, and I'm grateful for this, the same isn't happening tonight.
From what little we know, my grandma was suffering from paralysis on one side of her body as a result of the stroke. Even if it were a clot and not bleeding, I'm glad it's not a long drawn-out stay in the hospital. We went through a little of that with my mom's dad several years ago when he had a stroke.
On a positive note, my grandma was a great woman. She raised five wonderful kids who all loved her and each other. We have a pretty close extended family as a result of this. She spent all of her life in small towns in Kansas and I'm grateful for the amount of time that I was able to spend with her there. When my brother, sister and I were kids, we'd go up to Soldier, KS where she lived for a full week every summer and we'd split time between her house and a couple of our cousin's houses where we'd help with the farming chores. Back then, I LOVED getting up early to go milk the cows. Some of my greatest childhood memories come from those summer weeks spent on the farm.
All of this is my long winded way of saying, "I love you, Grandma. I'll miss you."
Until Next Time...